Forgive Us Our Trespasses
If I have trespassed, Goddess, I have trespassed upon this woman. She asked for it, O Goddess, her name was Surrender and I just thought that was asking for it.
Oh Goddess, Bless this Ho...I mean...Honorable woman who surely did not chase everything that looked like he might breathe with a bare chest.
Orlea, forgive me my trespasses. Forgive me for all those thingies we simply can't mention here on a reasonably family-safe board. They just never met our family...
Your father was your...well, that's...um...okay. Anyway, that's not usually good.
Your father and I threatened to kill any man who came near you...okay, that was fun. Orlea's gentlemen had to run the gauntlet. There is not much more uncomfortable than teleporting into your parents' room to introduce your new young man only to find...well...anyway, she learned to knock. SnowWolfe was still a whip-wielding maniac no matter what time of day. Even over tea and crumpets, there's only so much to be done with a half-orc warrior. Even with ginger scones on Sunday mornings, still wearing his Chain of Souls, Writ of Insanity, and a Silver Wedding Manacle and not much else, O Goddess. Then there was the Helm of Sarcasm. When that was worn in tandem with my Delusions of Grandeur, the room tended to clear. Mother's weapon was a Wicked Tongue Lashing. Not much sympathy when only faced with the pragmatic advice of:
Cyren: "Oh boy...oh well, now you know me a little TOO well, but...serves you right for setting recall here."
Orlea: "You guys know where to find me!"
SnowWolfe: "Yeah, in the adult section."
SnowWolfe grins at Cyren "You should have yelled for help, then at least she wouldn't think you were enjoying it."
Cyren: But...then she might have actually HELPED me!
Before that I must atone for dressing myself as a guy and then when you came onto me like a steamroller, making fun of your breasts. I'm sorry. Really. SOLID/STATE is sorry. He is. Really. Okay, he's still laughing his ass off.
Anyway...I tried to make amends. I did make male characters to show Orlea what doo doo heads her boyfriends were by treating her nicely in front of them and intimidating them until they frothed. Nothing like watching a tough guy totally lose his cool. It was fun, oh Goddess.
I told her all about "Buffy The Vampire Slayer." Orlea, were it not for me...you would not know of Spike. Hey, that's even right there. Nice!
I did introduce her to her husband, but that is because by some very twisted act of Providence, she ended up sorta...without one. I didn't mean it. I swear. He made me do it. *points* There were manacles. You know how I love manacles. And the whips and...
Your parents married not with rings, but with manacles, what future did you have in this cold, cold, world? Probably a pretty good one from what I saw.
But I digress.
Oh, Orlea, the times, the joys.
She is my dearest friend, the person who will listen to me rant for hours. Kinda like this.
The honorable family greeting unto our favoritest daughter..."BITE ME"
Cyren